🔗 Share this article Balancing my Yearning for Spontaneous Intimacy Whilst Seeking a Meaningful Relationship As a gay man approaching 50, I’ve spent numerous, largely pleasurable years pursuing casual sex with other men from my teenage years. During my fourth decade, I had a committed partnership that lasted four years, however I never felt completely content, in that I didn't experience love nor sexually nourished. The fact is that I have always craved uncommitted intimacy. Whenever I start seeing any man, once the newness fades, I always get the urge to have sex with new partners again. Questioning the Feasibility of Exclusive Commitment I am now wondering whether it's possible for me to sustain a faithful partnership. I'm aware that numerous homosexual males engage in non-monogamous arrangements, yet from my observations, they appear like hard work, frequently causing lots of pain and jealousy among all parties. In many ways, I desire another man to care for me while allowing me to pursue other intimacies, however I dread to imagine the emotional drain this might create. Should I just keep having casual sex and accept that a lasting partnership is not possible? I feel somewhat confused. Every person’s sexual journey fluctuates. Try not to think of your relationship needs or your ability to tolerate various forms of intimate connections as fixed. Your needs in your current state may well change down the road; at a certain time you may find yourself more decisive and find some clarity and a suitable route … or not. At some point you could encounter someone who provides a life-changing chance to you through mirroring your desires completely … and at another point you may choose that non-committal encounters are best for you. Worrying about the future and engaging in endless speculation is simply anxiety-based and squandering of your efforts. Try to be in the moment with your partners, and see the value of each person you connect with intimately an intimate bond. If and when you are ever ready to strengthen genuine closeness with a single person, you will know. The psychotherapist is a American therapy professional focusing on treating intimacy issues.